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Some of you already know that my husband, Ron, and I were fortunate enough to enjoy a vacation in France last month. It was a delightful adventure and, overall, an outstanding experience.

Before leaving for the trip my life was working well. My gratitude list was overflowing, and for a long time I had been feeling a great sense of peace and joy. Then we went to France for two weeks. Our flight home required almost twenty continuous hours of flight.

In retrospect, I believe I suffered severe jet lag; perhaps it was culture shock; maybe a combination of both. At the time of my return home, however, I did not know what hit me. I fell into an apathetic state of being. My joy of living was absent and my usual passion for my work was squelched. Everything felt flat.

After two days of resisting these feelings and looking in vain to recapture how I felt before my trip, I began to believe that this was my new reality. I was unwilling to accept how I felt and resisted some more. By the end of day four, I was so dismayed, I began thinking what I judged to be horrible, unmentionable thoughts - thoughts of wanting to die. Then I began beating myself up for having such terrible thoughts.

I finally exhausted myself and my mind stopped racing. I was able to hear the soft voice of my wise self which is always waiting to be heard. It whispered to me to let go, to surrender to what I was feeling, to just go with what was so and stop resisting.

I listened. Immediately, I said out loud, "I'm ready to die, now. I've experienced life at its best and I don't want to live feeling this way." Whoa! I had spoken a wish to die out loud. What would happen now? Well, here's the good news. Within fifteen minutes my energy began to shift. I knew this because I began to feel better. Within hours I was back to feeling as fine as I did before my vacation. It was hard for me to believe. The next day I knew that I had expanded my ability to experience joy. By being with what was so and allowing myself my feelings, I allowed myself to pass through what I had heretofore been resisting. I created space for new thoughts to come in -and these were thoughts of joy which led to joyous feelings. I then expressed my gratitude and my intention to live life feeling the peace and joy I was experiencing.

I debated the wisdom of sharing this experience with you, dear readers. It's risky business to share at this level. Yet I believe my story is too powerful to withhold, especially at this time of year.

It's holiday time - when tradition asks that we rejoice and feel good. However, many of you cannot fulfill that request. Holiday time for some of you evokes feelings of loneliness, sadness, and often despair. Knowing that you are supposed to be joyful, resisting your despair, and trying to be ok just makes you feel worse.

Remember what happened for me once I was willing to go with what was so and express my feelings. I urge you to go with what is so for you with an intention to shift your energy and feel better. Find someone with whom you can be honest and share your feelings out loud. Experience how that clears some space inside for more pleasant thoughts to flow. Better feelings are sure to follow.

When time allows take on the Empowering Exercise below.

For those of you afflicted with feelings of malcontent, I suggest the following remedy:

1. Allow yourself to feel bad, sad, depressed, or whatever. Give yourself a pre-determined period of time (decide in advance - will it be an hour? a day? a week?) that you will indulge yourself in your gloominess. During this time really go for it. Feel your feelings as deeply as you can. Let no one talk you out of them. They are your feelings and you are entitled to feel them. When you allow yourself to feel them, you are on your way to healing them.
3. Once your allotted time for feeling your negative feelings is over, then set aside some time (be generous here) to visualize your ideal of the situation that makes you sad. Example: if family dinners are unpleasant for you, now is the time to visualize a family dinner that would be the ultimate positive experience for you. Be exacting about the details. Most important about this is that you write how it feels as you visualize yourself in the midst of this situation. Bring this visualization with the accompanying feelings to mind whenever you are tempted to fall back to #1 above. When you are in the feeling of delight, you can not have feelings of sadness; It's not possible to have two feelings at the very same time!
4. Begin a gratitude journal. Each day list at least three things from that day that you are grateful for. Please remember to feel your gratitude. Let it warm you all over and fill you up. Even the most unfortunate of us have stuff to be grateful for. When you feel gratitude you cannot feel sad because you cannot have two feelings at the same time.
5. The above three steps will prove beneficial. And there's more. If you want to go further, give me a call.

Email me your results at brenda@brendamiller.org.

'What you resist, persists.'

'Go with the flow!'

'Resistance is about believing that you are vulnerable or susceptible to something not wanted and holding a stance of protection, which only holds you in a place of not letting in the well-being that would be there otherwise. There is nothing big enough to protect you from unwanted things - and there are no unwanted things big enough to get into your experience.' -expressed by Abraham Hicks

At the end of each coaching session most often I leave clients with an inquiry - a question to be answered over a period of time. I present you with these two inquiries:

1. What is in the way of you doing the empowering exercise above? What 'story' are you telling yourself about it?
2. How would you be, what would you do, what would you have in your life if you went with what is so for you and allowed yourself to feel your feelings?

Please send me your comments and questions. Let me know how I can make this publication better, what you liked, and what you want more of. I aim to please!

Wow! Where has time gone? I intended to get this Newsletter out by mid-December and then my whole life turned upside down and inside out. "What happened?", you may ask. My husband and I bought a puppy - that's what happened!

I was raised with dogs and raised my kids with dogs; however, my last pet experience ended twenty years ago when our last dog died. Like giving birth to my three daughters, I just plain forgot what having a puppy was like.

What it's like is mostly wonderful and at times anxiety producing. Most of all, it's time consuming. I've allowed a lot of time in my life to be taken over by my puppy, Kia. Since I work from my home, it's easy for me to lose myself in being with her. The good news about this is that I'm living my life mostly in the NOW and enjoying myself. The bad news is that some things I had intended to do are falling through the cracks. An example of this is my tardiness in delivering this newsletter to all of you.

A lot of you won't open this Newsletter until after the new year begins. Hopefully what you read will apply no matter when it reaches you.

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Take the next step in your personal growth. Call me today to discover whether Life Coaching and/or Radical Forgiveness Coaching is a viable option for you.