Archive for the ‘Meditation’ Category

Meditation Class: Week 6

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

                                     brenda pic for mailLast Week of Class & Beyond

By now the last class is a blur in my memory.  I remember thinking at the time that there was nothing significant that occurred to write about that was different from the previous classes. Then I was off the next day to a restful and relaxing vacation in sunny Mexico for twelve days.  In Mexico I did not do any formal type of meditation practice.  Instead, I chose to be mindful of being mindful as often as I could.

Now that I’m back home and meditating each day, here’s my report regarding the value I’ve gained from practicing up until now: 1) It’s ever present on my mind to be aware of what’s happening in the present moment;  and 2) I’m becoming better at working the process of detaching from being sucked into being my emotional state.  For example: when I feel sad, I can more easily detach myself from the feeling by recognizing that I feel sad, let my thoughts, including judgments about the feeling float away, and then simply be in the present moment  Then sadness becomes a word with no energetic charge. I realize that I was not sad; I was merely thinking thoughts that caused the emotion of sadness to arise in me.  I find it helps to change my language to I had thoughts that made me feel sad  instead of  I am sad.  [This process of detaching from any emotion requires – first of all - that I desire to feel better. I’ve learned that there’s a part of me that likes the sadness, as melancholy as it might be. Soooo, part of why I have the experience of sadness at all is that, at some level, I enjoy it.]

Meditation Class: Week 5

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

This week I was more astonished than ever before by the power and determination of my mind to keep me from showing up in the present moment –moment by moment.   Part of me has deep respect for this determination, and wishes that I could exhibit similar conscientiousness to other activities in my life –like exercising, or writing.  Another part of me wants to know when I’m going to get my mind under control so we can get some real mindfulness going.  And still another part of me interjects with the conversation to remember not to judge myself about how my thoughts can easily whisk me away from my focus of attention, and that’s normal, natural, and to be expected.

I’m still waiting for the practice to become more appealing.  I’m being diligent, and hopeful. 

 Tonight will be the last class in this series.  I’m leaving for Mexico tomorrow, and will be gone for eleven days.  I probably won’t post again until I return. That’s okay, though.  I’ll tell you then how the last night of class was, how I made out with practicing while on vacation, and what’s next for me regarding meditation.

Meditation Class: Week 4

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Metta, or Loving-kindness meditation was introduced into our practice last Monday. It’s about developing compassion, which is meant to bring balance to being mindful (aware). During my half hour of practice each day there’s no doubt that the time I spend with the Metta is my favorite.  I like it because my mind gets to focus on words that have meaning instead of me just focusing on the rise and fall of my belly. Also, there’s the fact that compassion is a quality of life that brings me more in touch with my humanity and the humanness of others; I have room for more of that, for sure.

The best thing I can say about the rest of my practice time is that I’m able to relax, observe, and allow; these are the three parts of the intention I set each day before I begin.  The allow part is my greatest accomplishment to date.  I no longer beat myself up for not meditating right, or yap about how ineffective I think I‘m being.

As of now, I don’t look forward to meditating for any reason other than it’s on my checklist as something I’ve committed to, and it must be done. The good news is I have less doubt than before that a time will come when I look forward to meditation for the insight and peace it brings me.

Meditation Class: Week 3

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Busy Mind versus Quiet Mind

Voice Dialogue has taught me that there are many parts of myself (I refer to them as Selves) –most on a continuum of opposites.  Up until the middle of last week, part of my preparation for meditation practice was to reason with the Self I call Busy Mind – the part of me that thinks, thinks, thinks, and has no idea about what is the here and now.  I asked it to give me just a half hour to spend with Quiet Mind; I promised Busy Mind that I would not forget it, and would give it the rest of the day. But Busy Mind – being afraid to give up its control – was having none of it.  As a result, the five hindrances to being mindful (desire, aversion, boredom, restlessness, and doubt) reigned supreme most of my practice time. 

Late in the week I had a session with my Voice Dialogue facilitator to get better acquainted with my Busy Mind. In that visit I learned that my Busy Mind does not exist apart from the many Selves that use it. My Creative Self, Planner Self, Problem Solver, Worrier, and Reminiscing Self are just some of the parts of me that need Busy Mind to exist. When I’m thinking, it’s for sure that one of these parts of me is thinking.  Now I have the ability to converse with which ever Self that’s active at the time, “What do you need from me?  Can it wait until after this practice session? I promise to give you time then.” 

It’s only been a few days since my Voice Dialogue session, and I’m feeling excited and happier than before.  Letting these parts (especially Creative Self) express themselves afforded me a lot of clarity that I know will prove to be valuable in my meditation practice, and my whole life.  It’s always so fascinating to me how one process begets another as I, and all of us seeking more clarity, journey through life.

Meditation Class: Week 2

Monday, February 1st, 2010

By the end of last Monday night’s class I was in full appreciation of my teacher’s ability to express himself about awareness.  I was impressed enough to compliment him when we were through.  He suggested we read Experience of Insight to assist us. Of course I bought the book, even though it must be the millionth one I’ve purchased on the subject of meditation.  I just got it the other day, and haven’t really spent much time with it yet.

We were told that meditation involves three things: relax, observe, allow.  Nice!  In my personal life it is rare that I experience these three states of being all at one time.  I set that intention each  time I begin to practice (well almost each time :) ).

I had two homework assignments: 1) add another activity to be mindful about (now I’m focusing on every detail of brushing my teeth and using the water pick; and 2) spend the week emphasizing a relaxed body and mind.

Practice was challenging for me this week; maybe more so than last.  At this point I notice how far away from mindful I am because of my very full mind.  I’m still determined to practice each day though, and do keep in mind that even those who are regulars at this still call it ‘practice’.

Meditation Class: Week One

Monday, January 25th, 2010

My second class is tonight.  Here’s how the past week was for me:

Walking into the first class last Monday night I told myself that I had to have a for-the-first-time approach to this class.  I was hoping the teacher would be appealing, say something magical that I’d never heard before, give some assurance that this time practicing meditation would take hold with me and I’d forever be hooked.

Well, the teacher’s an ok guy.  He says some wise things. A lot of what he talked about I’ve heard before; and here and there he said some things in a way that makes an old idea fresh again. There were no assurances that it would be easy.  No promises made about outcomes.  He asked us for a commitment to come to all the classes, do our homework, and wait until the course was done to decide if the practice was of value to us.   He told us quite frankly that if we did not have a clear intention to want meditation in our lives we would not succeed.

I felt the door out closing!  Until that moment I still had not been fully committed.  And now I think I am. 

My first assignment was to be mindful of the practice of brushing my teeth.  That’s not as big a challenge for me as the second assignment which is sitting daily for half an hour focusing on the rise and fall of my belly (a part of my body I’ve only recently come to accept just the way it is).  Every day I have to remind myself: This is not a contest; I can’t win or lose; I’ll never get it done; and I’ll never do it right.  When will I believe all of that???

Meditation: My Final Frontier

Sunday, January 24th, 2010

I’ve always had one of the busiest minds of anyone I know. It’s one of the major reasons my life has been less than peaceful and serene.  I’ve spent at least twenty years trying to find ways to quiet it down and get it to behave.  I made some real headway when I read The Power of Now; and a little later on – A New Earth.

 Voice Dialogue was the next aid that came my way.  It’s been my go-to process-of-choice at this time of my life when I need to get some balance between parts of me that use my mind to share their opposing points of view.  The more balance I achieve, the more peaceful I become.  And the more I access that peacefulness, the more I want. When it came time for me to declare my personal intention for 2010, it came easily to me: ‘To Be Peaceful’.  

 Once I declared my intention out loud, my next step became clear.  It was simply to surrender to believing that my busy mind could learn and feel safe enough to quiet down through the practice of meditation. Over the years I have taken on the practice for long periods of time.  Trying to meditate would be a better way to describe what I had been doing.  Though at the time I thought  I was 100% committed to the practice, I now know I had been less than that.  Also, I think my intentions for meditation were too lofty, and quite different from that of simply achieving peace.

 I decided to enroll in a 6-week beginning mindfulness (Vipassana) meditation course.  This form of meditation is appealing to me because I’m all about becoming more aware, and the goal of Mindfulness Meditation is to help the practitioner achieve greater degrees of awareness.  Sounds good!  Now what to do so that I get hooked this time and don’t give up??

 I carefully reviewed all the stories I told myself in the past regarding why a formal mediation practice wasn’t ‘right’ for me.  These stories were the results of things I read, advice I have been given, and most importantly, my past belief that ‘I’m a special case whose mind is busier than most and no one can understand why this doesn’t work for me’.  Being wiser now, with the goal of achieving a peaceful state of being, and the understanding that I’m not at war with my mind, I hope to have better results.

 Perhaps you’re interested in following my journey…